Ten Million Strong…

So I’ve always been a health conscious individual…give or take the last ten years or so.  Anyways, everyday morning before I leave for work, I pound about 4 vitamins. You got your Men’s daily something or other, some fish oil…I got a vitamin D in there and for one reason or another a B12 has worked it’s way into the mix.

Point is… They don’t work. Ha! No, the point is every morning my son bugs me to take one of my vitamins. “Daddy can I have one of your Vi-mins? “Daddy I wanna Vi-Min.” I told him “No buddy, these are Big Boy Vitamins.“ But as anyone with kids will tell you, that type of line will only keep a kid at bay for so long, if at all.

I remembered when I was a kid, myself, along with what I believe to be at least Ten Million other children of the late 80’s early 90’s, all grew up taking one kind of Vitamin. You know what I’m talking about, right? …children of the late 80’s early 90’s …are you out there? …I can’t hear you! …Oh yeah this is just a blog post. Flinstones vitamins! That’s right!

I’m fairly certain that Fred and Wilma had a monopoly on that particular area of the children’s health market because I don’t ever remember there being any competition. If you were a kid back then and you were taking a vitamin, odds are, it was a Flinstones vitamin. And let’s be honest, what kid didn’t love chewing up those suckers! Maybe a ton of them, I don’t know, but my sister and I loved em! I remember always asking my mom for multiple vitamins only to be turned away. Because you know there was some pre-internet horror story of a kid somewhere who got his hands on the entire bottle and downed em all! But you don’t OD on Flinstones vitamins, I think you’re just whisked away to the town of Bedrock for a few short, magical hours.

So with all of these fond memories in my head, I tell my son, get your coat, we’re gonna go get you some Flinstones vitamins! So we hop in the car, drive to the store and I’m telling you, this kid was almost as excited as I was. We get to the Vitamin isle and there’s more than a dozen types of kids vitamins lining the shelf! The Flinstones have lost their iron grip on the Children’s vitamin market!

So now I’m faced with a decision. Do I get this kid the Marvel super hero vitamins? The Mickey Mouse Vitamins? Or his favorite, the Paw Patrol vitamins that he’s pointing at and begging for? Answer: None of the above.

Dad’s mind has been made up, long before we had ever even arrived at the store. I got him the Flinstones vitamins of course! Did I get him the new Flinstones Gummy vitamins you may be asking yourself? No, of course not. We went with the classics! So, convinced that I’ve made the right decision, we drive home, I pop open the child-proof lid, tear off the seal and dump out a Dino shaped vitamin. “Are you ready for your Flinstones Vitamin buddy?” I say. “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Flinstone Vi-Mins! Flinstone Vi-Mins!” He replies. And then, after his triumphant song of praise, he pops his first Flinstones Vitamin into his mouth. God bless this kid if he didn’t try to love this thing. I had really hyped these bad boys up, and now here was my son with this look on his face as if to say “Mmmm Daddy, you were right!” while at the exact same time saying “Please don’t be mad at me if I vomit in my mouth!”

I think he actually did say “Mmmmm.” when I asked him how it was, but at the same time a tear was streaming down his face. I made his spit it out, and now I’m stuck with a full bottle of children’s vitamins that no child in my household will go near. I thought to myself, hell, I’ll just take them myself. So I did, and you know what? Some memories are better if you don’t re-visit them. Flinstones vitamins will forever hold a place in my heart, just not in my mouth. Those things taste like shit!